Tonight is the Winter Solstice. And I feel like it’s making me a little more reflective. I had a pretty big win at work today, the end of my Xmas shopping seems attainable, and things at home are as quiet as hosting an impromptu sleepover can be. Overall, not a bad day.
Yet, I still find myself falling into a long-held habit: self criticism.
See, I’ve always been one to set high standards for myself. I think most of us do. But where it becomes problematic for me is the way my own reviews sometimes impede me from getting anything done, worrying that I’ll fall short of some self-imposed metric. It happens a lot. I’ve even written about it before. And because I’m still talking about it tonight, it’s obvious that I haven’t found a good solution yet. Let’s look at an example. Other than that life-changing moment I think I’ve already pretty thoroughly explored.
Hold on a minute … As I am going through any and all of the times I’ve judged myself coming up short, I feel like I am just recreating the pattern that I came here to complain about in the first place. And I am trying to break that cycle, right? Is refusing to talk about a specific example me making progress? And should I let my therapist know about this breakthrough and that I don’t need tomorrow’s session? Probably not.
See, I think it just comes down to a fear of making mistakes. I know we learn a great deal more from them than almost any other method. But I’m so reluctant to try and fail that I give up before risking coming up short. Short of my own expectations. These posts, honestly, are a little bit of an exercise in trying to get better at trying and failing and trying again. I mean, if you’ve read even a handful of these Not Tweets posts, you know some are much better than others. But my hope is that practice makes perfect. After all, I’m still looking for perfect.
Tears to Forget
21 December 2022
Tale of the tape.
Tonight is the Winter Solstice. And I feel like it’s making me a little more reflective. I had a pretty big win at work today, the end of my Xmas shopping seems attainable, and things at home are as quiet as hosting an impromptu sleepover can be. Overall, not a bad day.
Yet, I still find myself falling into a long-held habit: self criticism.
See, I’ve always been one to set high standards for myself. I think most of us do. But where it becomes problematic for me is the way my own reviews sometimes impede me from getting anything done, worrying that I’ll fall short of some self-imposed metric. It happens a lot. I’ve even written about it before. And because I’m still talking about it tonight, it’s obvious that I haven’t found a good solution yet. Let’s look at an example. Other than that life-changing moment I think I’ve already pretty thoroughly explored.
Hold on a minute … As I am going through any and all of the times I’ve judged myself coming up short, I feel like I am just recreating the pattern that I came here to complain about in the first place. And I am trying to break that cycle, right? Is refusing to talk about a specific example me making progress? And should I let my therapist know about this breakthrough and that I don’t need tomorrow’s session? Probably not.
See, I think it just comes down to a fear of making mistakes. I know we learn a great deal more from them than almost any other method. But I’m so reluctant to try and fail that I give up before risking coming up short. Short of my own expectations. These posts, honestly, are a little bit of an exercise in trying to get better at trying and failing and trying again. I mean, if you’ve read even a handful of these Not Tweets posts, you know some are much better than others. But my hope is that practice makes perfect. After all, I’m still looking for perfect.
See you tomorrow?